The past 19 years of friends

I have had quite the variety of friends in my life. When i was 10 i had 4 best ''friends" Jamie S, Jamie E, Anne, and Rachel. I put friends in quotes because looking back they were not really friends. I never felt like i belonged in that group. Some of the things they would talk about and be into just was not me. However this was my first glace at friendship and i didnt know any better. I didnt know what a true friend was ... but i guess at that age no one did. When we were 10 a true friend was someone who played with you on the playground or picked u as a partner in class. Friends were just on the surface. We told our parents everything. They were our best friends.

As i got older, i slowly moved away from that group... and took Jamie s. with me. The two of us kinda flew by ourselves for awhile.... picking up new people here and there for short periods of time. Jamie and i were quiet in school but together we were two very chatty girls. We started to tell each other secrets... i mean whatever secrets two 12 year olds would have. Together we dealt with her mom dying and the trying months that came after. That was the first time in my life i knew what it was like to be there for someone. I mean like really be there for them.... like "cry on your shoulder " kind of be there. It felt good.

A few years later in 9 grade... i was 14... and Jamie and i found a group of girls who seemed like fun. They were crazy and loud and it was something that we were looking for. We fit right in and both of us really came out of our shells. there was no judgment with these girls and i loved it and felt totally comfortable. I was allowed to be myself and let loose and i enjoyed every minute hanging out with them. There was about 10 of us and whenever we were together it was a party. As you could prob guess though, with a group this big you really never had any deep talks or heart to hearts. It was all fun and games. however... with any huge group of tween girls... comes DRAMA. and boy did we have a lot. Yelling... tears.... the whole 9 yards. as time went on... the trash talking was silenced untill there were no words exchanged at all. This is when i realized that i didnt want to be apart of this group any more. I didnt like that person i was when i was with them. Before when i saw myself with them i saw a happy go lucky girl having a good time... now i saw myself as ...we to be frank.... a bitch. Sooo i peaced out of that group.

Sooo to sum things up... besides Jamie... i really didnt know what a true friend was at this point in my life. Jamie was all i knew ... all the experiences i had with other people just didnt end well. Soo fast forward to 2009 and that explains why i still am in awe of my friends today. They are amazing. Absolutely amazing. They know me and I have a handful of people i can tell everything to. For me that is a huge deal. I dont open up. Its just not my nature... i keep things in untill i cant handle them and then i break down. My friends know when something isnt right with me BEFORE i do sometimes. Like i said earlier... i learned at an early age what it felt like to be there for someone.... but untill recently i never knew what it felt like to be on the other side of that.
My friends can see through the mask i put on when i act like everything is all great. I am so blessed and thankful for all of my friends.... my true friends.... the ones that know me. The ones that know all my quirky things about me. my friends are such a huge part of my life..... they are my lifeline. They taught me that I dont always have to be the one looking out for everyone.... Im allowed to be looked out for too. <3

forgiven!

SO the other night i finally took the time out to go to confession. It has been hanging over my head for awhile now.. i have been wanting to go before Christmas. Well anyways before confession i spent the entire day shopping and totally getting in the Christmas spirit with two good friends. When we finally made to to the church i sat down and realized how blessed i was to have so many friends who i can share my faith with. Its truly amazing.
If anyone has ever seen me minutes before i go into the confessional then you know i am a nervous wreck. This time in particular because i had a few things that i have been carrying around for awhile now. I hate the waiting game. I hate standing there feeling all my sins flood my mind and trying my hardest not to forget any of them. As horrible as it is... it is humbling. How often do you sit there and think of everything you did wrong in the past 2 months? like i said... humbling.
So finally i go in and do my thang ( im not gonna paint a picture for you) and i come out. Not even exaggerating.... I felt like i was in a Claratin commercial. Everything was so much clearer and brighter! Literally! It was an incredible feeling! I have not had a confession this good in a long time and boy did it feel good! As annoying as going to confession is.. it is such a miracle and im pretty much obsessed with it. That feeling you get after is such a high! I can sit here and try to put it into words... but that wouldnt even come close to describing it. It knocks down the wall between us and Jesus. The fact that he will forgive us for anything is an amazing and beautiful thing. God is good so good!!

buckle up

Control has always been a big thing in my life. Im either trying to get it or trying to figure out what to do with it. When i lose control i literally feel like im slipping on ice. You know... that split second before you hit the ground when your stomach does a complete flip flop. Thats the feeling i get when i lose control. Now i dont want you to think that im some hardcore control freak.. because im not. I dont need 100% control... just a little. Just enough to let me know that i have some pull in whatever situation im going through. That is why i love school so much. I can control the grades i get. If i study... i get good grades... if i dont study... i dont get good grades. Its simple and to me it makes sense. To me control is like having something to hold on to when that ice comes... something to keep me standing and without any bruises. I dont like to let go of that ... it makes me uneasy unstable. a loss of security. I was the kid at the pool who always held on to the wall. It made me feel safe. as long as it was there i was ok. as long as i have control ill be ok.

However that is not always true. Having control on life is kinda an oxymoron. We didnt create life... why in the world would we have control of it? We are just God's instruments... and well.. instruments have 0% control. Does that scare me? of course. It goes against my natural instinct. My instinct to grasp a situation and twist it around so the outcome is of my benefit. Its hard... its really hard knowing that i have to let go of everything. I need to let life play out. I need to let God play it out. That gives me a different kind of feeling. I still get the feeling im slipping on ice... but this time right before i fall someone catches me. God.
I realize that with life we dont have control.. we are in the backseat... and no one likes a back seat driver. All we can do is sit back ... love with all our hearts... and drive off into the sunset <3

the old

I dont know what it is about old people that intrigues me so much. Something about them captivates me draws me in. Yes they smell a little odd and they are slow... but they are really cool! Each of them has a story. They lived a life almost and they have so much to tell because of it. If you trace the lines in their skin you can learn so much. Or even just a glance into their eyes... they have so much history behind them. They have lived through so much. I have no idea where this random rant came from... but it came... sooo yeah. haha

done... like a turkey

Soooo hello! this is so long over due but i finally got a chance to breathe for the first time in weeks. I almost forgot what oxygen feels like. Well sooo i am officially done my fall semester and boy could i not be more relieved. Its kinda ridiculous how big of a part school plays in our lives. Like right now i feel as light as a feather while 24 hours ago i was pretty much injecting caffeine into my veins all while realizing all the stuff i didnt remember from back in September. But i was thinking the cool part is for the first time in my life it isnt all about the grades. All through high school and even last year, i was so concerned with getting the A's. As far as school came that was all that mattered to me... the A's. Dont get me wrong, i still strive for perfection but in a different way. Im actually learning stuff that i will need and that i want to know. I dont want to memorize a bunch of body parts and diseases.... i want to learn them. I want to know them. Its just kinda cool to think about how my viewpoint changed.
Anywaysss break is on! im soo excited just to kick back but i have a feeling it is going to be a busy break.... which will be fun :-)


anywaysss i have so much more to say soooo ill write a again soon.... xoxo

blah

I have so much to blog about but so little time. sooo i will find time in the near future but untill then i love you all and you are all in my heart... always! sooo have an amazing day tomorrow... because u all deserve it.. and bad days are such a waste. Even though everyone is so insane this week with life and school and everything... hang in there and the end is near! love yousssss!

Under all the dirt...

There are signs everywhere. everyday God sends us little reminders. Sometimes we can see them in nature and sometimes we see them in school but for me i almost always see them in other people.

On Thursday when i was at the day room, a guy about my age walks in. He had long greesy blond hair, about 3 or 4 layers of shirts on, ripped, dirty jeans, and old muddy boots. His face was kinda scruffy and an unkempt kinda way and he was grimy in the cleanest way possible .. if that makes any sense. I talked to him a little and he was telling me about how the local Giant has two different garbage cans. one for the trash and one for the fruits and vegetables. He says as long as they keep throwing away perfectly good fruit and veggies he will never go hungry. That broke my heart. Here is a kid about our age who has a daily worry of literally surviving- not one of the more frequently occurring thoughts in my head from day to day. Under all the dirt and grim though it were his eyes that got to me. He didnt hold a sadness like a lot of the people there had. It was more of a thankfulness, a hope... or almost a joy. Everything he talked about was filled with excitement. He had such a faith that whatever God presented him with he would get through because of his faith. He couldnt get over how blessed he was to have found that free selection of fruits and veggies. Blessed to eat from a trashcan! Some of his stories are unbelievable! It just was really inspiring to me to see the other side of life. Someone my age with completely different worries, concerns, hopes and fears. It really makes u think.


Every day there are people that God places in front of us. Maybe for a second maybe you only exhange eye contact. Or maybe they stick around for a little longer. Each one of these people play a role in shaping and changing us as a person. God makes our paths cross for a reason... teaching us a little lesson about life everyday...

simplicity found in a car

Simplicity. No matter how much we lie to our selves we all long for it. We say we want expensive things and a brand new car and exotic trips around the world but when it comes down to it we really just want the company of amazing friends and the love of a family. Thats it. Thats all we really long for and we let society trick us into thinking other things.

For some reason I can always really feel God in cars at night with my friends laughing and joking and music blasting. I don't know what it is but that setting but God is so there and i love it.
maybe its the fact that time is frozen. We are all stuck in a car and we cant just get up and leave until we arrive to where we are going. Until we get there though we just are. 4 people in a car just enjoying each others company. Cracking up at things that arn't even funny and singing to the most random mix of music genres ever. There really isn't much more to it that that. Simple.

"the simplest things are often the truest"

CRAZY

Ok sooo i took this color therapy quiz. Someone told me about it in one of my classes so i decided to give it a shot. Its basically proving that colors directly reflect our mood. particular colors appeal more to us when we feel certain ways.
Anyways... here are my results. They hit the nail on the head. I cannot get over how true it is.




Your Existing Situation

"Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities."

Your Stress Sources

"Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as herself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of herself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Tries to participate and involve herself in things going on around her; however, avoids conflict and arguments to reduce stress and tension."

Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief.

"Insists her hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. She can take things too personally."

Current situations force her into compromise and placing her own hopes and desires on hold for the time being.



Your Desired Objective

"Longs for tenderness and for a feeling of acceptance from a partner. Appreciates things that are beautiful, pleasing to the eye, and stylish."

Your Actual Problem

"Wants to be valued and respected, seeks a close and peaceful relationship with a shared respect of each other."


Woah man.... ok soo i think u all should do it ( i already made beth do it)
www.colorquiz.com

Be still and know that I am God

Yet again, what a wake up call. As some of you may know I had a nursing class all weekend. Am i crazy? maybe. But it was 2 full weekends and 3 credits soo i figured it was worth it. The class has taught me alot about the Holistic side to medicine and really has provoked an interest for me. but thats another blog all within its self.

Anyways something else everyone knows about me is my ability to get stressed out easily. It happens... if i like it or not. I really hate the person i become when i get like that, so i am sorry! But I was talking to someone the other day and they had a good point. He said: Amanda, I can see it deep within you that you are so sure God has called you to be a nurse and to help people.... That is his will for you. You are doing his will. How amazing is that? How incredible is that? You know what God has asked of you and you are doing it. That has power behind it. How can you not be happy and excited and motivated everyday about that? No matter what test you have or paper due, does it even compare with doing God's will? No. It doesnt. You are doing his will and you should be filled with joy. If you are going to go about it stressed out and agitated then whats the point? It is God's will and that is So above anything on this earth. It is so above any emotion we can feel and so above stresser that comes our way. It is his will. It doesnt get much better than that.

Soooo wow. I guess hearing him say that out loud really took me back. He is so right and those words were exactly what i needed to hear soo i decided to share them with you all!
At newman there is a fall retreat going on tonight and obviously i cant attend the whole thing due to my classes but i was playing with the idea for stopping by for a little. I ended up going and it couldnt have been a better decision. I happened to get there right as praise and worship adoration was beginning. I sat down and thought to myself, " aw this will be good."
Well it was more than i was ready for. These past few weeks i have been running and running and running. Tonight i had a chance to stop and just be. " Be still and know that i am God"
This verse pretty much summed up the night. It has been too long since i was at adoration like that and i had forgotten the power of the blessed sacrament being exposed and Jesus being there in the room with us. How amazing is that? One of the many wonders of our faith. I love it. Tonight slowed me down and refueled me. It was exactly what i needed. "be still and know that i am God." BE STILL. am i ever still? NO! thats a problem. I need to slow down and take a look around before its over. Life is a marathon not a sprint. So slow down... walk dont run for once in your life. take the long rout to class... not the short cut. Stay an extra 10 mins with your friends. Take time out of studying to call you parents. Just be still ....and know that he is God.

He understands

Some people are just broken. Some people have been through so much crap and so much hatred that they just dont know how to work right anymore... they are broken. It kills me to think about that. Despite all the crap i get for having a "cookie cutter childhood" ... I am so thankful for it. There actually was a time i used to resent my perfect childhood. People wouldn't tell me things about their life because they said i couldn't relate or what not. But looking back on that i cant believe how insane that sounds. The way i was raised has been the foundation for everything else in my life. yeah maybe it was a picture perfect childhood.. with the picture perfect parents with the picture perfect marriage.... but the way i see it -in the future ill need that strong foundation for whatever God puts on my plate. It gives me something to fall back on and for that I am so grateful.
This is why It hurts me when people are broken. Or more so, when my friends are broken. We all go through trying times in our life... some of us just go through them earlier than others. As much as it doesnt make sense now, God has a plan. He knows what he is doing. Those people can handle all that crap early on, something i know that i could not deal with. Like my studying habits, i need to fully and completely understand the basics before i can move on to the more difficult things. God gets me. God gets us. Its pretty cool, not gonna lie.

alone

One of my good friends lost her uncle last night. He shot himself and no one why. Horrible. Devastating. But the saddest part for me wasnt the fact its self it was the conversation i had with her today. She was holding back tears as she explained to me how lost, confused, and lonely she feels. The whole time i was on the phone with her i was silently saying a prayer. The part that gets me is she is so far from believing in God. She was the one who would always make snide remarks when I came late to dinner because i went to 5:30 mass with my family. Whenever the topic of religion came up she would walk away or start texting or something. Im not sure if she just doesn't feel comfortable talking about God or if she truly does not believe in Him. Just the thought of that scares the crap out of me. Can you imagine thinking that you were completely alone in this world? How totally hopeless would you feel? That saddens me just thinking about it. I hate the fact that people live like that ....I hate the fact that they dont see how much better they could have it and I hate the fact that people think they are better than God.. because they arnt.
So as I sat there on the phone with her i kept thinking that if i was in her place without a doubt i would be turning to God right now, but as soon as i hang up the phone with her she will feel like she felt before.... alone in her dorm room with no place to go.

Still holding on

So I just spent literally the last 8 hours straight on studying my head off and i need a break... thus the blogging begins :-)


Friends are amazing. Last night was the first FISH meeting and it made me realize once again how much I love my friends. The three of us........ all had crazy insane weeks and busy schedules ( some of us more than others) but we all took the time to be there and it kinda brought us back to where it all began. I think as time passes we kinda forget ( or i least i do) how our relationship sprouted, where it all rooted from. Our faith. That is where it all began and that really is the glue to our friendship. No matter where our lives take us we always have that foundation to come back to. Even though time gets the best of us and we dont all see each other as much as we may like... when we do see each nothing has changed. I mean yes our lives have went in different directions but we are still us. Somehow even though our lives are taking different roads, we still have sight of each other in the rear view mirror. Anyways something about the three of us being back there and talking about God again really got me reminiscing. I am so thankful for not only them, but also all for the rest of you guys! I love yousss! When we all left last night, we all went as Beth said, " in awkward different directions." It kinda really hit me hard that we are all living our own different lives now, but at the same time we will still always have time for each other (even "Mr. IU" ) . We will always still have time for those heart to hearts and or even quick phone calls. Because when it comes down to it, we are still Kairos kids <3

wake up call

God is good! so i made a complete 180 from last night and realized a few things. Life is short and there is so much more important things worth stressin about. School is exactly that... school. It is supposed to educate us to go out into the real world. Anyway after a few deep heart to hearts tonight i realized that i have so much in my life right now and if school is the only thing that has got me down than i am doing pretty darn well.
God has his ways of getting out attentions... and he sure got mine<3

I need to breathe.

UGHHHHH!!!! Soo i cant believe i said that i actually missed all this work! I am sooo stressed right now its pretty much not even funny. I really think i took too much on this semester. I hate telling people no, its kinda problem. I just feel like i cant get ahead and i hate it! Its like the 3rd week and i already feel like i am burning out.... this cant be good.
When it comes down to it... i do this to myself. I am a perfectionist. I want to be perfect at everything... as impossible as it is. So when it comes to school... yeah i know that i can still become a nurse if i graduate with a 3.5 ... but i want that 4.0. With clubs... yeah i know i can just sit back and come to meetings... but No i have to take charge of something and get hardcore involved. With Work, i could just go the hours i have scheduled but no... if i dont finish what i am working on.. i stay and get it done. With the Newman center, i could just sign up for some things and tell them im too busy to do things but there is something veryyy hard about saying no to a priest. haha UGHH i just have taken on too much and i feel like i am drowning. I know that in the end everything will work out and i just have to keep everything in perspective. I just promised myself that i wouldnt do this whole "getting crazy stressed out thing" this year. haha who was i kidding!
Well im gonna go take a nice hot shower and hopefully calm down a bit :-/

the power of a photograph

Ok so i should really be doing homework right now.... but im distracted by a picture. Some of my lovely friends found a picture of me from about 7 years ago. It was from 7th grade, during that awkward time in my life... you know those embarrassing stages that all of us go through. Braces, gawky, clothing that just doesnt fit right... we have all been there. Fun times right? Well I am just sitting here looking at this picture and cracking up. Its so hard to believe that I am still that girl. Behind those obnoxious earrings and crazy hair, its still me. I may have different thoughts, dreams, fears, passions... but its still the same me thinking them all. Im still her and she is still me.
So much has changed though. I remember being that age and so full of wonder and awe at the world. Everything seemed so big and so out of reach at the same time. I remember being confused about what i wanted to do with my life. Confused about who my friends were. Confused about who God was and what he wanted from me. Confused about life pretty much. I was still trying to figure everything out. Dont get me wrong, i am no where near completely figuring everything out now but I am an tiny bit closer.
Looking back i remember i had no idea who I was and I was pretty much trying on a different hat everyday for size. Friends popped in and out of my life and the ones that stayed i honestly didnt like that much. They were into things that i just wasnt a fan of then, and im still not a fan of now. I was pretty much just a wanderer. I was just trying to find my place where i fit in this crazy mixed up world. I was so naive. I miss that. I miss thinking that everyone on this earth was either good or bad. I miss thinking that as long as you do good in school you will be ok. I miss thinking that a hug could cure everything. I miss thinking that my parents could fix anything and take away any pain.
Things were different. Things were simpler though. I didnt have to worry about my future just yet... i just had to make it to the 8th grade. I didnt have to worry about being on my own or looking after myself... i just had to listen to my mom. Mom had all the answers. I remember thinking that she was the smartest person in the world( she still is to me) and whatever she said was the right way. I now know that there can be more than 1 right way... i hate that. I hate that instead of just right and wrong there are some gray areas now.
I miss that little girl, but It still shocks me at how far i came. Would i approve of me? When this picture was taken my dreams were so different from where they are now. I would prob laugh if someone told me then that I would be studying to become a nurse. I honestly think that I would have thought that I wouldnt have it in me. There are days im still not sure... but I am certain that this is what I am supposed to do. I used to want to become a writer or a librarian. I loved to read, sadly a love that has been pushed aside to make room for all my other things in my life. I used to be so shy. I hated meeting new people. I remember freaking out at events where i didnt know anyone. Now i strive myself on inviting new people into my life and i embrace any chance i get to do it. People used to pretty much scare me. I didnt like to get to know them... now people intrigue me to no end. I love getting to a know a person below the surface and im pretty much in love with heart to hearts. I used to judge everyone i met and most of the time i stood by that preconceived notion. I have realized now that pretty much all of my preconceived notions have been wrong. There is so much more to a person than first meets the eye. I never realized that. I used to think I had everyone figured out.

So i wonder 7 years from now... when i come across a picture of me from my sophomore of college.. what will i think? Will i still like the person I have become? Will I even recognize me? I know i still have a lot of growing left to do but will i follow the right path? Will my faith in God stay strong? Will my friends stand by me? Will i stand by them? Will i stay true to myself? Like i said so much can change in just 7 years...

Wayyyy happy mood

I am So thankful!
Thankful for all the amazing people in my life.
I just spent the last hour driving around exton with people i just met. Weird? maybe. But they are Catholic so its alll good. My faith takes off when I am at school and i never really could figure out why. Now i know. There are so many amazing people that I have met here that it is hard not to praise God. The Newman Center has honestly become my 2nd home... I pretty much live there. I can go through the stressful day of classes and exams then take the lovely walk down the hill and its such a breath of fresh air. I camped out there last year during finals week and at one point i was in tears studying for my Anatomy final. So what did i do? I picked up my books and wandered into the chapel and studied there.... I could feel the holy spirit in calming me down. I aced that final.

Its just so refreshing to meet people who are a) into God and their faith b) willing to share it c) fun to be around d) easy to talk to e) just all around nice people . and i mean come on, who doesnt love a Catholic guy! hottest thing ever in my book.
So i honestly do not know what i would do without these people in my life. They help me become a better person and for that I am very grateful!


Tonight i met a guy who has some mental problems. He was talking to me and he was saying how he has been on campus for a 2 weeks now and has joined many clubs and no one has even tried to give him the time of day. Then he started to cry when he said, " but tonight people actually see me here and really want to be my friend... and im not used to that so i dont really always know what to do. But i want you to know that i am So happy."
How can that not touch you?
So I just want to say Thank you Lord for everything you have put in my life... especially the people who make life worth living. :-)

wise words

Ive always loved this... and I was just listening to it on my ipod soooo i decided to post it


Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.


But trust me on the sunscreen.

what makes me tick

Sooooo Im in a pretty good mood tonight so i decided to make a list of all the things I love... Kinda random i know but just go with it. :-)

sunsets, praying, summer nights, fresh peaches, hot tea, family dinners, warm sweat pants, good movies, breezy days, stone harbor, puppy kisses, the ocean, friends, colored pens, new notebooks, kodak moments, karaoke, meeting new people, retreats, change, fleece, being bare foot, Catholic guys, water, lillys, crickets, country music, babies, my pup, long runs, perfect fitting jeans, pomegranate body wash, fruit salad, BBQs, bath and body works, a good book, dancing in cars, N*sync, open windows, star gazing, legit people, a clean room, Grey's Anatomy, yoga, Discovery Health channel, scrapbooks, brunch, ritas, sphenoid bone, Mother Teresa, old people, adoration, random run ins, midnight chapel runs, girls nights, Hop, sunglasses, new shoes, heart to hearts, new places, old places, bendy straws, coffee, all nighters, dew, True blood, my Ipod, tums, purell, dressing up, pretending im little again, hugs, Christmas trees, new songs, Photos, quotes, poems. purple!

and all this wouldnt be even possible without our Lord.
tada! Pretty much what makes me happy!

the journey

So I wanted to write on this but I honestly do not have too much to say. Life is good. enough said!
Today I was walking from South campus and the sun was shining and I had my ipod in and It was just perfect. I realized at that moment all my fears about the semester were put on hold and washed away for the most part. Regardless of how this semester ends, or the next... i will still be me. I will still have the same amazing friends and the same one of a kind family. And when it comes down to it they are who make me, me. I used to think that I wasnt anything until i had a career, or a defined purpose that i would be carrying out all my life. But becoming a nurse is just adding some color to my painting of life. So am I overwhelmed with everything i have taken on this semester? Yes. But when it comes down to it, its the people and experiences that matter along the journey. Because when you finally push through and reach your destination, how rewarding will it really be if there is no one there to enjoy it with you?

And when you least expect it.... BAM!

Life is crazy. Just when you think you have it all figured out your life takes a sharp turn in a completely different direction. It's God's way of keeping us on our toes. Like that quote goes...
" If you wanna see God laugh tell him your plans."
That couldn't be more true.
So why do we do it then? Why do we make plans if in the end we arnt the ones in control. And when our plans dont work out we end up frustrated and annoyed. This is a problem for me. I am a planner. I need to know what i will be doing a month from now, a year from now, 10 years from now. Not knowing freaks me out. When we were younger and in 1st grade it was all easy. In 10 years there was a pretttty good chance you would be going into 11th grade. Predicable. Easy. I miss that. Now, i have no idea where i will be in 5 years. I mean i have plans to be a nurse. But you really never know when God will throw a fast one.
Trust. I just have to trust that everything will end up how it is supposed to be. Trust is a funny thing though. Everybody wants it but no one is that willing to give it; myself included. Trusting people has always been a struggle with me. Trusting God is different, he doesnt let you down. But still there are times where i feel myself holding back instead of letting go and letting be.
So as i it here with my planner to my right and my calendar to my left i smile to myself because in the end it doesnt really matter what i pencil in.

there is nothing "good" about goodbyes

So in terms of goodbyes how come it is so much easier to do the leaving than to be the one left? Is it because when you are the one leaving you are moving on to bigger and better things with new opportunities and experiences, while the one left is well, left. I'm not really sure why things are the way they are I just know that I hate goodbyes and these past few weeks they have been quite generous. You would think that they would get easier, but they don't. Last year I think i was more nervous to be going to a new school and starting the whole college thing to really get a grasp on who I would be without for the coming semester. This year though, I am fully aware and it actually kinda sucks. There is no way to put it other than that. You can tell me that it will make all my friendships stronger or that the semester will fly by and Christmas break will be here before I know it. but we both know the truth. It sucks. :-/

Just clouds and sky....

Amazing. Unbelievable. Astounding. So I'm back from the island and there are really no words to describe it. Between the light blue waters and the white sandy beaches, it was your typical tropical paradise. But I'm actually not here to write about the trip its self. I'm going to talk about the plane ride.
I have been on my fair share of planes in my lifetime. Florida, California, Louisiana, Nevada, Utah... you get the picture. So Unlike once of the girls I was with, the plane ride was the least of my worries. I mean don't get me wrong as soon as the plane begins to race down the runway I always find myself mumbling an Our Father. But i guess this time my prayer held more power.
The week before i left i was doubting a lot of different things in my life. Everything was getting more complicated then it used to be and I found myself longing for that childhood simplicity again.
I needed a break from everything. So there I sat in the runway with two of my best friends to my right as the plane began to speed away and the up into the sky.
After calming my one friend down and getting regrouped and settled a bit more I took a second to look out the window.
Wow. Everything down below dwindled away untill it seemed as if it wasnt even there at all. Mountains of white puffy clouds took over the sky as they were scattered amongst the blue blanket which surrounded me. Thats when I realized something. I am the only one making things complicated. Life in fact is so simple. At first glance you see all the details and the gray areas and we tend to get so wrapped up in all that. but as you zoom out making the pools into puddles, the cars into ants and the people into Polly pockets, you see just blue and white. Just clouds and sky. And that is really all there is to it. Simple. What about all the details and all the things we left below as we flew away, you ask? well, that is where faith comes in. We cant control it, so why try? We just need to focus on the things that matter. The big picture. The clouds and sky.
Any doubts I had flew out the window that day.
Looking down from the window that day I realized a lot of things. Life is really what you make it. No problem is really as important as it seems. Everything looks better zoomed out. And nothing beats a window seat on a plane. :-)

Kairos in the Caribbean

good evening bloggers!
so as i pack my last bag it finally hits me that im going to the Caribbean for the next week. One last BAM before school starts. My phone wont work there and as my two other friends are a little more upset about that, I am really looking forward to the break.
Stop and think how many times a day we check our phones. sometimes waiting/ expecting /hoping for a call or text from that special someone. Sometimes we are waiting to hear some exciting news. Sometimes we are making plans about the coming night. Sometimes we are just catching up with a friend with a few short texts. And sometimes we just wanna know someone else is out there. That constant connection with the rest of the world, is it comforting? with just a few taps and the hit of the send button we can send whatever we like to whoever we like with only road block being the lack of service or a low battery. There is no rejection. No stink eye. and no first reactions. Everything that is sent is thought out, typed and maybe even edited a few times. people censor what they say in some situations via text and over talk in others. But think about it.... is this how life was supposed to be? Taking a friend out to a birthday dinner has been replaced with a quick happy birthday text. I read an article a few months ago about how people regret their drunken nights now more than ever due to drunk texting and calling. I am attached to my phone as much as the next person but it just got me thinking. Back in the day people seemed a lot more chill, simple, and personal. I feel as if cell phones have made us a more stressed out complex and cold society.
A little over 2 and a half years ago I went on a retreat where they took our phones from us for the entire weekend. Being a group of high schoolers, we freaked out at first. However by the end of the trip we have formed a bond closer than i have with anyone before. It was incredible. Despite everything amazing that went down that week, the lack of cell phones really made that retreat what it was. For that entire weekend we were all there 100%. How often does that happen? normally we are constantly in connection with someone else. How many times have you been to a restaurant and seen more than one person at a table texting. That is one of my pet peeves! People have problems with being mentally physically emotionally and cyberlly all in one place.
So this week i am going to work on that. While i am hanging out with the monkeys I am not going to be talking to my roommate about school. Or when i am swimming with my friends i am not going to also be chatting it up with my friend about her latest break up. I am just going to be. <3

well hello there!

"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong"





greetings bloggers!

So i had to take my sister to get her braces off this morning and as i sat in the car I began to think about life. More in particular the summer part. If you think about it any rule or decision that you make for your self doesn't really apply in the summer. Its like 4 months where life stops and living begins. When long days are a good thing. Everyone's level of stress is greatly reduced by some significant levels and its the time of year where it is ok to be lazy. People no longer live by a strict schedule and their dependence on time is greatly loosened. Its kinda neat to think about how just by school coming to an end and the temperature going up some tens of degrees, People can really change. My family for example is a completely different family when we are at the beach. Considering my parents work, that is their only true summer. Everyone is their true blue selves. All the best qualites shinning through and nothing is suffocated by deadlines or exams. Nothing seems as big of a deal in the summer. Problems are not only manageable but can be dealt with in a swift, chill manner. Something about the summer lets people find them selves and catch up with the simpler things in life. The things that were forgotten or pushed aside in the previous 8 months. We all have those friends who you don't talk to for some reason during school. But once May hits you can pick up with them right where you left off. Those books that you have been dying to read finally get read. That much needed "me" time is fulfilled. and those greatly missed and cherished heart to hearts start up again.

So what im saying is this. The summer is sadly coming to an end in a few weeks. I will miss pretty much everything that makes summer, summer. But mostly i will miss the way people ARE when it is summer. I will be the first to say that i change when school starts. I get myself so sucked in to that life and i almost think about it as having 2 lives. One- a driven, motivated, sometimes stressful, always busy life at West Chester University. and Two- a relaxed, in tune to everyone, in love with my friends, simple life back in Downingtown. But why does it have to be that way? Why cant we keep the same ways of thinking and going about life in the fall and winter. Do we change ourselves for a reason? Would we fail out of school if we had our "summer minds" all year? or do we just do it because we think we need to?


Soooo basically enjoy these last few weeks! Get as much out of them as you can, because its summer and oh so AMAZING! :-)





"All we need is the truth in our hand. Someone to call a friend. Never fear the darkness. All we need is just the sun in the sky. And the hope of a summer to come with the meaning of love."

peace out!