soon

life is absolutely wonderful right now. even though finals are pretty much here and i have a million and one things to do....I realize that I have a lot of amazing people in my life and so life aint so bad :-)

Anywayss Once break begins I will be blogging more... promise :-)

love you all

Change

"When we say things like 'people don't change,' it drives scientists crazy because change is literally the only constant in science. Energy, matter, it's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural...the way we change to what things were than letting them be as they are. The way we change to old memories instead of forming new ones, the way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death or a second chance at life if we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline, like at any moment we can have another chance at life...like at any moment, we can be born all over again."

:-)

well hello there. have a wonderful day.
peace. 

a pretty dandy ditty

 for some reason when i have a song stuck in my head i feel the urge to blog about it...



May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest
As much as I want it
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

kinda like scrambled eggs

 So this past week I feel like my brain as been all over the place... so here are a few things that have been on my mind....

- This fall air is bringing back all sorts of memories from previous years

- I really need to find a good pair of boots

-Regina's absence from my life has been way more evident  this week than past weeks

- I am absolutely in love with my major.... I actually look forward to studying- true story

- I still can't believe that one of my baby sisters is in college

- I love living with 7 girls much more than I ever thought possible

- I am trying to take on a stress free outlook this semester and keep everything in perspective

- My coffee addiction has gotten twice as bad in the past 2 weeks

- I am so stoked to start clinicals

- I am trying very hard to be open minded about my art class 

- I already have a secret Christmas countdown going

- really bummed about not being able to run as much/as far as I used to.... stupid foot

- However still pretty convinced that I am going to cancel the surgery

- I am missing sunrise like crazy... if you told me that in May I would have laughed in your face

-I am really jealous that my sister gets to go to a holistic medicine doctor

- I can now threaten to stick an IV in you if you piss me off... :-)

- recently I have been going for drives with the music blasting when I need a study break

- I have been hitting up daily mass kinda often

- I want to find a way to smuggle Molly into my house

- I am going to try to make time for "fun" reading

- I have no confidence that I will be able to "fun" read this semester

- I cannot wait to see  Rachel tomorrow

- I cannot wait to see Beth tomorrow

- I have a new obsession with writing in markers

- After 2 years of failed attempts I got my first WC diner milkshake last night

- Despite the 1000 things I need to be doing right now... I am a pretty happy camper. 

song stuck in my head

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say

Summer in review

Tomorrow begins a new semester. Like always there is the excitement of a new beginning along with the dreaded stress that we both know lingers in the future. I really hate to see this summer go but at the same time I am ready as ever.

This summer has been unique to say the least. I have fallen in love with about 50 senior citizens. I absolutely treasured every minute I was around them ( well .. most minutes).  Each day was totally different than the last and more unpredictable than ever. You really never know what to expect. For example; Erna would hide her lunch in her shirt... Kay would ask me to milk her air conditioner.... and Dorthy would joke about being pregnant. They were a huge part of my summer... a part that I am surprisingly going to miss. However due to this job those long nights on my driveway were limited and those lazy days by the pool were sparse. Two things that I missed terribly. However, they were not missed nearly as much as the company I would have been with. Missing out on this is something that I have been honestly bummed about. But I guess that's life. :-/

I also fell in love with an amazing guy. He has swept me off my feet. You know that guy you see in the movies and read about in books. That guy that no one thinks actually exists. Well I found him. And not gonna lie it's a pretty cool feeling :-)

This summer has also introduced me to an old house on church street. Living with 7 other girls will be an adventure to say the least but it has been really neat to be surrounded by 7 vastly different people. We can be totally insane around each other ( sometimes a little Too insane ).  I still am not quite sure how it all will fly once school picks up.... hopefully it will go as smoothly as possibly ( but with 8 girls it most likely wont haha) but one thing is for sure: I will never be lonely.

Like all summers this summer as given me some downtime ( not as much as previous years) where i could just sit outside and be. That is one of my favorite things about the season. I love to go for crazy long walks and just think about everything and everyone.   I got a little much needed "amanda time" which has allowed to mentally straighten a bunch of stuff out ( but that is for another blog)

As I sit here my mind is racing with a million things I still have to do before tomorrow comes ( and yet I am still blogging). But on top of everything... I just cant get over how blessed I am. :-) 

never too old for Dr. Seuss :-)

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." 

 

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells." 

 

 "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." 

 

 "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." 

 

"If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good."

"So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains."

 
"ASAP. Whatever that means. It must mean, 'Act swiftly awesome pacyderm!" 

 

-Dr. Seuss 

 

 

Some pretty solid advice.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

what we are supposed to do.

" we graduated from high school because that was what we were supposed to do. We applied to college because that was what we were supposed to do. We attended college because that was what we were supposed to do. We declared a major because that was we were supposed to do. And soon we will graduate because again, that is what we are supposed to do.  What is next though? The world stopped telling us what we are supposed to do next. Thanks world. " - a person.


When I heard this come out of one of my friends mouth's I couldn't help but snicker to myself. It is actually kinda true. The world has mapped out every step of our lives up until this point. So what's next?  Anything. We can literally do anything. kinda cool to think about.

happy

loving life... couldn't ask for anything more.
I'm excited to see what happens next. BRING IT.
 

already am, always was, and I still have time to be

If you haven't heard of Anis Mojgani then get ready to fall in love with him:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znIXyFh6dsI 

Forever and always

So I heard something the other day that has stuck with me and has been replaying in my head ever since. I ran into an old friend from high school a few days back. We were never that close but we always kinda kept in touch over the years. We put our lives on pause momentarily and filled each other in on  the past few months.  After we got past the small talk she held out her hand and told me she was engaged. Considering I didn't even know she was dating anyone I was very surprised.  She must have sensed my shock because she explained.  Her and her Mike met a few months back and began dating.  Shortly after they fell in love with each other.  After a night out on the town he got down on one knee and proposed. Naturally my reaction was to congratulate her. However when I did her response caught me off guard.
       " Thanks! We figured we would give the whole marriage thing a go. If it doesn't work out, well then it doesn't work out. We both decided there would be no hard feelings. I just think we owe it to each other to give it try."

WHAT!? Do you not know the definition of of marriage?  I know that I have never been married before however I do know that you cannot go into a marriage with the idea that you can get out of it. Marriage is final. and forever. There are no shortcuts or delete keys. It's the real deal and it really frustrates me when people do not realize that.  In the world we live in it is so easy to get a divorce that many couples see it as an option. It is always in the back of their heads as an exit strategy. It shouldn't be like that.

If you really love someone then you will have the patience and the endurance to work through whatever issues you are having... and not just throw in the towel. And if you don't think that you will have the energy or the desire to push through then maybe you should think twice before you tie that knot and walk down that aisle.

King of anything

 I have been obsessed with this song for the past 24 hours..... give me 24 more and i will probably be sick of it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA

clearing the view

So tonight I was driving home with 3 people who i love. As we drove... radio up... windows down, our conversation came to a lull and we just sat swimming in our own thoughts. The crisp summer air swarmed through the windows and rushed through us while the crazy indie music filled the empty space. It was one of those perfectly clear nights out and the moon was just about full, creating a glow over the entire road. None of us said a word but in a way that said everything. As we drove in silence I couldn't help but smile. At that moment life was perfect. So simple. I know I always somehow come back to talking about the simplicity of life but in the end isn't that exactly what it is. simple.

Its those small, separate, moments where we can just be. They bring me back down to earth and shake me awake showing me the beauty of life that was temporarily forgotten.

Thank God for those little reminders.... :-)

to do before I die

Because everyone needs a Bucket list....

• swim in all the oceans 
• Atlantic 
• Pacific
• Indian
• Arctic
• hike the Appalachian trail
  
• Run a marathon
• visit the 7 wonders of the world 
• Grand Canyon
• Great Barrier reef
• Harbor of Rio de Janeiro
•  Mount Everest 
• Aurora/ Northern lights
• Parícutin volcano
• Victoria Falls
• Visit as many places as possible ( too many to list)
  
• swim with dolphins
• ride in a hot air balloon
• go sky diving
• become fluent in French
• Send a message in a bottle
• Learn how to Ball room dance
  
• Learn how to Salsa dance
  
• Drive across the United States
  
• Learn to juggle
  
• Learn to shuffle properly
  
• Drop everything and get on a plane with no plans in mind
• steal a sign
  
• Go scuba Diving
• Tell someone my entire life story
  
• Hear someone's entire life story
  
• ride an Elephant
• Order dessert then an entree and then appetizers at a restaurant
  
• Learn how to Horse back ride
• Go skinny dipping at midnight
  
• Name a road
• Design a house
• Go on a boating trip
• Ride a zip line through a jungle
• Learn to surf
• Learn to Hula hoop
• Have a party and invite everyone i know
• Go dog sledding
• live in the city
• live in the country
• save a life
• travel for a year
• Cook an amazing meal for my friends
  
• Get a pizza delivered to a random address
• Be a vegetarian
• Learn sign language
  
• See a heart transplant
• Roll in mud
• work in a burn unit
• steal a french fry off someones plate
• design a cake boss worthy cake 
• volunteer as a nurse in Africa
• become a PA
• Have a Christmas in July party
• Be a mother 
• Get married
• write a letter to everyone that I love
• Name a star
• Go to one of the top 10 ski resorts in the world
• Meet Keith Urban
• Meet Ingrid Michaelson 
• be in New Orleans for Mardi Gras
• Sleep in a castle
• See penguins in their natural habitat.
• have a garden
• Meet the pope
• Meet the Dalai lama
• Have tea in London
• Have lunch with one of my Elementary school teachers

warning: very random blog

6 people. There have been 6 people on my mind and in my prayers for the past year. These 6 people have all been going through something. Whether it was making a huge life decision, declining health, or finding a way back on that right path, they were all on my mind constantly. Every night I would go to bed thinking about these 6 people. Some I knew better than others but all of them meant and still do mean the world to me
However a few nights ago I was going for my nightly walk when I realized something. Everything that I have been hoping and praying for these people has all happen ...and in the past 3 months. All of them, at least for now, have gotten to where they needed to be and overcame what they needed to over come. As I walked down the hill watching the moon illuminate the houses and my thoughts dancing to the soundtrack of my life in the background, I came to that realization. Its kinda cool to think about.

They no long linger on my mind as a constant concern or worry. They no longer take up my thoughts or prayers every single time I bow my head. Not that they were a burden to me in anyway. Keeping them in my thoughts was the least I could do. I love all 6 of these people and all 6 of these people have changed and touched my life in ways I could never imagine possible. I am just so happy that they found what they needed.

take your last breath

Recently A friend of mine died. She was a sweetheart and so full of life. She was taken suddenly and she didn't have a chance to tie up any lose ends or say any goodbyes but isn't that the point? We never know when our time will come.

When the music fades into the past, When the days of life are through, What will be remembered of where I've come? When all is said and done? Will they say I loved my family? That I was a faithful friend? That I lived to tell of God's own son? When all is said and done. Of how I long to see the hour, When I would hear that trumpet sound. So I could rise and see my Savior's face, And see him smile, And say 'Well done.' You can forget my name And the songs I've sung, Every rhyme and every tune. But remember the truth of Jesus' love, When all is said and done When all is said and done

Death has never been something that scared me. Even though it isn't always initiated by a peaceful thing, it always ends up peaceful. Every human fear and anxiety is gone and you become completely content. The way I view dying has a lot to do with the way I view life. We are all trying to get to heaven. That's what we strive and live for. ( some of us more than others) I cannot imagine not believing in heaven. How can you go through life thinking that this is it. This life is all there is. What do you have to life for? I love the fact and anticipation of that something more. I love knowing that no matter what pain and suffering happens here there is some place better that will take it all way and make it pure again. It is the complete image of contentedness. comfort. peace.
My friend who died did not believe in God. In fact she went out of her way to make that clear. Someone said to me, " Hopefully she is being proven wrong " I hope he is right.

We never know when our last breath will be. We have no idea what God has in store for us.
So live like you are dying and make every moment count. :-)

getting to know you.

People. I have said it once and I will say it again. People are my everything. They effect my mood, my day, my thoughts, my emotions, my likes my dislikes, my motivations, my goals and my life. people intrigue me.
When I meet a person I don't just want to know their favorite color or where they work. I want to know them. Really know them. I want to know what makes them tick. What keeps the laying awake at night. What gives them butterflies. Whats in their heart.
I love getting to know people deeper than what meets the eye.

Jennifer:
Everyone sees her as an annoying coworker who is always late. She is slow and she cannot follow directions very well. She doesn't joke around with the other employees and so most people kinda just ignore her. However, the truth is she is suffering from major depression because her she doesn't feel adequate in life. She is very determined to get out of her "funk" and tries her best every day to look at everything with a positive outlook. She said, " I used to blame everyone else when I was upset... now I realize its how I see things that have to change." She has a daughter who is her entire world and she loves to talk about her. She has 2 cats who keep her company during the day. She collects bags and can tell you anything about them. She runs the wine and cheese social and puts a lot of pride into it. She has a huge heart and she loves to talk to the residents. She is one of the few employees who know a great deal about ALL of the resident's lives. ( not just the ones she is assigned to) She loves God and is search of a new church closer to her home so she can attend more often. She is a sweetheart that greets me with a hug whenever I see her and genuinely gets excited when someone sticks around to chat with her.
No one knows any of that though because no one gives her the time of day.

There is so much more to people than meets the eye. It always amazes me what you can find out about someone from just asking. In general people love to talk about themselves. Normally no one asks though.

short and sweet.

Life is wonderful. I am so blessed. God is so good. Enough said.

I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

So i just watched in her shoes and I once again feel in love with this poem by ee cummings

I carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

oh those summer how i missed thee

I dont think I will ever outgrow summer. There is something about it that just gets me. I love it. I love everything about it. People are different in the summer... call me crazy but I am convinced that there is something in the summer air that makes people walk with a jump to their step. I feel like we define our lives with summers. Its almost as if all the stuff that happens during the summer gets us through the year. After the tans are gone and the beach houses close... we have all those crazy memories to help us make it through the winter months. The thing is, its not always about the events... the parties... the trips. Sometimes ... more often than not.... its the company you are with ( as cheesy as that sounds) ... or the conversations ... the all nighters.... the midnight walks. Makes you feel so content and carefree.

And dont even get me started about summer nights. I would trade 50 winter days for 1 summer night. When the sun goes down... and the fireflies come out... possibility lingers in the air. Nothing else matters except that moment in time. I love wasting hours just staring up at the
stars and lounging on my hammock. feeling so small. nothing else matters expect for that moment. I love it.

Summer time and the living is easy...

the semester in review

I know it has been quite some time since I have written... and there have been numerous people who have been on my case about it ( you know who you are.) But life has been crazy... a whirlwind... actually more like a really good roller coaster. You know the kind I am talking about.
The kind that is smack dab in the middle of an amusement park but you work your way around it, going on every other ride within a 100 yard radius before you summit yourself to it. As you sit down and pull the awkward thing down over your head, you are filled with anticipation. Then you slowly begin to roll to a start and up the first huge hill. At the top of the hill and you have a clear birds eye view of everything going on down below you.... BAM all of the sudden you find yourself racing down towards the ground but then before you know it you are flying up again and then you are twisting and turning and when you least expect it you are flipping upside down. Then all of the sudden you are done and its over and you have no idea what just happen and which way is up but all you do know is that you are laughing.

This has pretty much been my life this semester. Ups and downs and oh so many surprises. Its been crazy. Stressful at times... shocking at times... wonderful at times... hilarious at times... but hey that is life and if I have learned anything it would be that you just have to roll with the punches.

Leap of faith

As human beings we like security. Whether it is that bunny you slept with since you were five, that extra couple thousand of dollars stored away, a stable home, or that special someone. We like comfort. Things and people can comfort us but I think that it is our thoughts and emotions that give us the most comfort. The parts of us that no one else knows. They are ours. We get to choose what people know about us and how much. We can decide what parts of us stay tucked down deep inside, which emotions are never expelled and which thoughts are never reveled. Our thoughts and feelings are really the only part of this world that are 100% original. They are us and they can define us. This is why we are so careful with who gets to know them. Thats where vulnerability comes into play. The more we let the world know, the more vulnerable we become. The more of us that another person has. Its a balancing act. How close do you let someone get before you are completely vulnerable and exposed. We are always trying to find the perfect balance between what we share and what we keep to ourselves, tucked away and hidden. Opening up to people is not the safe option. No, the safest option would be to keep every emotion, feeling, thought, and dream deep inside and away from the world. You could just be on the surface to everyone and never let anyone get close enough to hurt you. Because isn't that it? We control how much we give people to hurt us with. The more we give to the world the more vulnerable we are and the more at risk we are putting ourselves. The more we put ourselves out there and the more we reveal, the lower the wall around us drops. So why do we do it then? Why do we find it so important to tell certain people certain things about our deepest thoughts? Why do we put ourselves in that situation? Why do we give other people the ability to take what we gave them and turn on us with it? Because just like we have a human instinct to need security, we also have an instinct to make connections. We need people. We are not meant to walk this earth alone. And how do you make a strong bond with another person? Give them something so personal and unique and allow them a peak inside your mind. Let them see your deepest fears and get to know your biggest dreams. Allow them to feel you strongest emotions and ponder your wildest thoughts. Yes, you are taking a risk of exposing your self to the world and maybe you are setting yourself up to get hurt. So how do you know? How do you know when its too much? How do you know?

Well, to be honest... I dont think we ever do. No one ever teaches us that I think thats part of life. All we can do is close our eyes, trust like crazy and take a leap of faith.

some food for thought

Hey loves! well I came across this blog and I based on our many conversations about marriage i felt like i had to share this with you.

My Predicament - Part 1

Tuesday, Dec 9th, 2008

As it seems most Christian girls are I was waiting on God to bring me my husband, my perfect man. (Of course he wouldn't be perfect, but just about perfect, at least for me.) A few prospective guys came in and out of my life through high school and college and as they came, I considered them and contemplated if this was the one that I was waiting for. It was usually the same story: I liked the guy, spent time analyzing whether or not he could be the one, had lots of phone conversations with him, and usually went on a few dates. At some point in the relationship (sometimes within a few weeks, sometimes within a few months) I would realize that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then ended the relationship. This cycle was dissatisfying, and disappointing.

Finally, in September of 2005, God revealed the error of my practice of waiting on Him to bring me my husband.

“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”

Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective.

Picture this: You are at a restaurant and have just ordered a pizza. A friend walks in and sits down with you and asks, “What are you doing?” And you respond with, “I am waiting on the waiter to bring me my pizza.” (Does this sentence structure sound familiar?) In this example, you do not have much regard for the waiter. The waiter is only the vehicle by which you get what you are truly there for: your pizza. You are not expecting the waiter to come and sit down and talk with you, but to simply deliver the pizza.

“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”

What are you more excited about: Jesus or your future husband? God was never designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. He was never intended to be our waiter, but to BE OUR EVERYTHING! I had replaced the passionate pursuit of knowing Him with the pursuit of an allegedly more passionate relationship on earth. I had put another “god” before the Lord; I had created an idol.

In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, “And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, "That you will call Me 'My Husband,' And no longer call Me 'My Master.'” One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God. We have been taught how to obey and please God (how to call Him ’Master’), but we do not know how to grow in our love for Him and fall deeper in love with the character of our Creator (how to call Him ’Husband’).

Consider this analogy:
David and Jessica have been dating for a few months now and most of their friends comment about how cute a couple they are. They are frequently seen at the local coffee shop or out to eat together on a Friday night. Their favorite spot to frequent is the beach near by at sunset. Here they spend their time walking along the shore, holding hands, and enjoying the sunset in silence. The problem is that Jessica spends this time on the beach thinking about John, a guy in one of her classes. She reminisces about what he said to her that day, the way he looked, and how sweet he was to stay late and help his friend with homework. She’s already thinking about what she’s going to wear tomorrow so that she can look extra special when she sees him. This is not fair to David at all; it is emotional infidelity and emotional lust. It may look like she loves David because she does all the right things to appear in love with him, but her heart is set on someone else. This is exactly what many of us have done in our relationship with God! We know how to appear passionate about God: we talk about Him to others, we read His Word, we attend Bible studies and keep trying harder to learn more about Him, but our hearts are set on something else.

We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to “love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength” (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY! What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love! Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made.

spilt second

ya know what i think is cool? When you are walking down the street and you pass a person and for that split second your eyes meet. Maybe a smile is shared or a nod or maybe nothing at all. You most likely will never see that person again. But for that second, that moment in time, your lives collided. Your paths crossed. That person may be having the best day of their life, or the worst. They may be walking away from a bad relationship or walking towards a new opportunity. You dont know anything about them but on that day at that time in that place you both existed together. Is this moment significant? Is this person meaningful to you? Is it a coincidence that you both passed by each other and held each other's gaze. Or a complete act of fate? who knows. I dont know. I just think its cool to think about how connected we really are to each other. Its fascinates me.

let it snow

AHH soo i just had the best walk home in the snow. so peaceful. Its crazy how in our world snow is the one thing that gets everyone to stop moving. Everyone goes inside and stays in one place and puts life on hold for a little bit. I love it. Snow is that little reminder from God that we need to slow down.... life goes too quick. We need to cherish it as we have it. Let go of all the hate and grudges, and just take a deep breath of crisp cold air and just be.

This is me

Im an optimist. When it comes to my friends i am the one always full of hope. Im always looking on the bright side. Some say im not realistic. Some say I'm too naive. Some say im too trusting. and maybe I am. I trust everyone untill you give me a reason not to. I believe in everyone. I believe that everyone has a little bit of good in them. Thats how we were made. We weren't made to hate to deceive. I believe in the good. I put my trust in that.

So maybe im not the most realistic person according to todays society. Maybe I am "setting myself up to get hurt". But so what. I dont want to go around doubting and questioning everyone I come in contact with. I dont want to live in the shadow of all the wrong in the world. I dont want to walk around second guessing everything. And for what? so I could be "safe"? So maybe I do get let down sometimes... maybe my hopes do fly too high for my reach sometimes. but then I live with it and move on. At least for that time I was hopeful. At least I had something to hope for. To live for. I dont know any other way.

So yes. You are right. I do trust too easily. Hope too much. Love too quick. Call it naive if you want. But thats me. Thats how I roll. I have faith in people.... and maybe its not always the safest route to take... maybe I do get hurt sometimes.... but like I said... I believe in the good.

inspired.

As a cradle catholic i have been to a million masses and received Communion since I was old enough to in 2nd grade. That is 12 years of receiving the Body of Christ..... 144 months..... 576 weeks.... well you get the point. A lot! so I have made my way up to the front of the church a bunch of times to hear the Priest say," The Body of Christ" . But Last year I got the chance to be on the other side of that. I am now the one saying, " The Body of Christ". Having all of those people walking up to me ready to receive the Lord, is incredible. They each have their own life and their own problems and they are coming to lay it all down before the Lord. Its pretty inspiring to witness.

Tonight there was an old man with the biggest blue eyes who looked right at me with so much hope as I held up the Lord before him. There was not a doubt in his mind of what he was receiving. He smiled at me and said Amen. But even I know he wasn't looking at me. He was looking was looking at Him. I have never seen anyone who was longing of the Eucharist as much as this man was. I was taken back. This is how we all need to be. We all need to long for the Lord as much as this man does. Imagine how our world would be .....

Its people like this that get me through the day :-) They are the ones that give me the strength to block the rest of the world out and just focus on the wonders of life.

Giving it all up

I'm done.

I'm done planning and plotting. I'm done predicting and guessing. I'm done mapping out my life and making a timeline for myself. I'm done with it all because quite frankly it really hasn't gotten me very far. When i entered 9th grade my mom and I sat down and planning out the classes i would take for the next 4 years. I was stressed and she was stressed because i was stressed and so to unstress we planned. I laugh now looking back at that paper where we wrote the lists and orders of classes. Nothing, and i mean nothing, went according to plan and everything turned out ok. At the first sight of stress or confusion why do we make lists or open calenders? I mean honestly, how often do things play out they way they should? I cant think of how many times I have been disappointed by events that i was looking forward to for weeks. And on the flip side, some of my best memories are the spontaneous ones... the unplanned ones. So why do we do it? Why do we try to map out the next 5 minutes, weeks, years? Its comforting. its comforting to know that we are headed in a direction. But im done with all that. Obviously easier said than done but recently the way things have been falling together have been completely different from what i expected. Whenever I think I have something figured out God throws me a curve ball. Its crazy and it used to make me so anxious. The thought of not knowing would put me on edge... I dont know what it is but recently I have been perfectly content with going where ever life takes me. So like i said, I'm done planning... and plotting.. and mapping out everything. I may not have any idea where i will end up in 5 years or who I will be. I dont know where I will be living or where I will be working. I have no idea who I will marry and how many kids I will have. But i do know this: Things will work out how they are supposed to... with out without me planning them. So i have no idea what tomorrow, next semester, of the next 5 years will bring... nervous- oh yes. But more than anything I'm excited :-)

Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never

will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with
confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid."

-Hebrews 13:5,6

living the simple life

Simplicity. There is something to be said about it.

These past few days I feel like a little kid again. Normally that coming of of any college students mouth is a bad thing... however i mean it in the best way possible. I have been 100 percent content with just hanging out with my mom... going for walks and running errands. Sitting at the kitchen table and talking with my sisters... turning off my phone and reading a book for hours.... laying in bed in the morning staring out the window with my puppy... and just constantly finding myself thanking God.

I have a huge "to do" list I need to get done before school starts but I dont have any motivation to do it. Instead I want to soak up these last few not only stress free but simple days. I have gotten a glimpse into my childhood back when i didnt have a care in the world. Everything was perfect and simple. No major problems... no anxieties... and no stresses... and if any of those did come along....I would just ask mom to fix them.

So I want to thank God for letting peek back into my carefree life and reminding me how it feels. It refocused me... making me realize that life doesn't always have to be as complicated as i make it.

So in a week when classes begin... the crazyness called life will also pick up. And when that happens ill just think back to times like these when everything is so simple.

love

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13

There is so much to be said about this bible verse. It is my all time favorite. I feel like it sums up life pretty darn well... nice job Jesus!