This is me

Im an optimist. When it comes to my friends i am the one always full of hope. Im always looking on the bright side. Some say im not realistic. Some say I'm too naive. Some say im too trusting. and maybe I am. I trust everyone untill you give me a reason not to. I believe in everyone. I believe that everyone has a little bit of good in them. Thats how we were made. We weren't made to hate to deceive. I believe in the good. I put my trust in that.

So maybe im not the most realistic person according to todays society. Maybe I am "setting myself up to get hurt". But so what. I dont want to go around doubting and questioning everyone I come in contact with. I dont want to live in the shadow of all the wrong in the world. I dont want to walk around second guessing everything. And for what? so I could be "safe"? So maybe I do get let down sometimes... maybe my hopes do fly too high for my reach sometimes. but then I live with it and move on. At least for that time I was hopeful. At least I had something to hope for. To live for. I dont know any other way.

So yes. You are right. I do trust too easily. Hope too much. Love too quick. Call it naive if you want. But thats me. Thats how I roll. I have faith in people.... and maybe its not always the safest route to take... maybe I do get hurt sometimes.... but like I said... I believe in the good.

inspired.

As a cradle catholic i have been to a million masses and received Communion since I was old enough to in 2nd grade. That is 12 years of receiving the Body of Christ..... 144 months..... 576 weeks.... well you get the point. A lot! so I have made my way up to the front of the church a bunch of times to hear the Priest say," The Body of Christ" . But Last year I got the chance to be on the other side of that. I am now the one saying, " The Body of Christ". Having all of those people walking up to me ready to receive the Lord, is incredible. They each have their own life and their own problems and they are coming to lay it all down before the Lord. Its pretty inspiring to witness.

Tonight there was an old man with the biggest blue eyes who looked right at me with so much hope as I held up the Lord before him. There was not a doubt in his mind of what he was receiving. He smiled at me and said Amen. But even I know he wasn't looking at me. He was looking was looking at Him. I have never seen anyone who was longing of the Eucharist as much as this man was. I was taken back. This is how we all need to be. We all need to long for the Lord as much as this man does. Imagine how our world would be .....

Its people like this that get me through the day :-) They are the ones that give me the strength to block the rest of the world out and just focus on the wonders of life.

Giving it all up

I'm done.

I'm done planning and plotting. I'm done predicting and guessing. I'm done mapping out my life and making a timeline for myself. I'm done with it all because quite frankly it really hasn't gotten me very far. When i entered 9th grade my mom and I sat down and planning out the classes i would take for the next 4 years. I was stressed and she was stressed because i was stressed and so to unstress we planned. I laugh now looking back at that paper where we wrote the lists and orders of classes. Nothing, and i mean nothing, went according to plan and everything turned out ok. At the first sight of stress or confusion why do we make lists or open calenders? I mean honestly, how often do things play out they way they should? I cant think of how many times I have been disappointed by events that i was looking forward to for weeks. And on the flip side, some of my best memories are the spontaneous ones... the unplanned ones. So why do we do it? Why do we try to map out the next 5 minutes, weeks, years? Its comforting. its comforting to know that we are headed in a direction. But im done with all that. Obviously easier said than done but recently the way things have been falling together have been completely different from what i expected. Whenever I think I have something figured out God throws me a curve ball. Its crazy and it used to make me so anxious. The thought of not knowing would put me on edge... I dont know what it is but recently I have been perfectly content with going where ever life takes me. So like i said, I'm done planning... and plotting.. and mapping out everything. I may not have any idea where i will end up in 5 years or who I will be. I dont know where I will be living or where I will be working. I have no idea who I will marry and how many kids I will have. But i do know this: Things will work out how they are supposed to... with out without me planning them. So i have no idea what tomorrow, next semester, of the next 5 years will bring... nervous- oh yes. But more than anything I'm excited :-)

Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never

will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with
confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid."

-Hebrews 13:5,6

living the simple life

Simplicity. There is something to be said about it.

These past few days I feel like a little kid again. Normally that coming of of any college students mouth is a bad thing... however i mean it in the best way possible. I have been 100 percent content with just hanging out with my mom... going for walks and running errands. Sitting at the kitchen table and talking with my sisters... turning off my phone and reading a book for hours.... laying in bed in the morning staring out the window with my puppy... and just constantly finding myself thanking God.

I have a huge "to do" list I need to get done before school starts but I dont have any motivation to do it. Instead I want to soak up these last few not only stress free but simple days. I have gotten a glimpse into my childhood back when i didnt have a care in the world. Everything was perfect and simple. No major problems... no anxieties... and no stresses... and if any of those did come along....I would just ask mom to fix them.

So I want to thank God for letting peek back into my carefree life and reminding me how it feels. It refocused me... making me realize that life doesn't always have to be as complicated as i make it.

So in a week when classes begin... the crazyness called life will also pick up. And when that happens ill just think back to times like these when everything is so simple.

love

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13

There is so much to be said about this bible verse. It is my all time favorite. I feel like it sums up life pretty darn well... nice job Jesus!

The past 19 years of friends

I have had quite the variety of friends in my life. When i was 10 i had 4 best ''friends" Jamie S, Jamie E, Anne, and Rachel. I put friends in quotes because looking back they were not really friends. I never felt like i belonged in that group. Some of the things they would talk about and be into just was not me. However this was my first glace at friendship and i didnt know any better. I didnt know what a true friend was ... but i guess at that age no one did. When we were 10 a true friend was someone who played with you on the playground or picked u as a partner in class. Friends were just on the surface. We told our parents everything. They were our best friends.

As i got older, i slowly moved away from that group... and took Jamie s. with me. The two of us kinda flew by ourselves for awhile.... picking up new people here and there for short periods of time. Jamie and i were quiet in school but together we were two very chatty girls. We started to tell each other secrets... i mean whatever secrets two 12 year olds would have. Together we dealt with her mom dying and the trying months that came after. That was the first time in my life i knew what it was like to be there for someone. I mean like really be there for them.... like "cry on your shoulder " kind of be there. It felt good.

A few years later in 9 grade... i was 14... and Jamie and i found a group of girls who seemed like fun. They were crazy and loud and it was something that we were looking for. We fit right in and both of us really came out of our shells. there was no judgment with these girls and i loved it and felt totally comfortable. I was allowed to be myself and let loose and i enjoyed every minute hanging out with them. There was about 10 of us and whenever we were together it was a party. As you could prob guess though, with a group this big you really never had any deep talks or heart to hearts. It was all fun and games. however... with any huge group of tween girls... comes DRAMA. and boy did we have a lot. Yelling... tears.... the whole 9 yards. as time went on... the trash talking was silenced untill there were no words exchanged at all. This is when i realized that i didnt want to be apart of this group any more. I didnt like that person i was when i was with them. Before when i saw myself with them i saw a happy go lucky girl having a good time... now i saw myself as ...we to be frank.... a bitch. Sooo i peaced out of that group.

Sooo to sum things up... besides Jamie... i really didnt know what a true friend was at this point in my life. Jamie was all i knew ... all the experiences i had with other people just didnt end well. Soo fast forward to 2009 and that explains why i still am in awe of my friends today. They are amazing. Absolutely amazing. They know me and I have a handful of people i can tell everything to. For me that is a huge deal. I dont open up. Its just not my nature... i keep things in untill i cant handle them and then i break down. My friends know when something isnt right with me BEFORE i do sometimes. Like i said earlier... i learned at an early age what it felt like to be there for someone.... but untill recently i never knew what it felt like to be on the other side of that.
My friends can see through the mask i put on when i act like everything is all great. I am so blessed and thankful for all of my friends.... my true friends.... the ones that know me. The ones that know all my quirky things about me. my friends are such a huge part of my life..... they are my lifeline. They taught me that I dont always have to be the one looking out for everyone.... Im allowed to be looked out for too. <3

forgiven!

SO the other night i finally took the time out to go to confession. It has been hanging over my head for awhile now.. i have been wanting to go before Christmas. Well anyways before confession i spent the entire day shopping and totally getting in the Christmas spirit with two good friends. When we finally made to to the church i sat down and realized how blessed i was to have so many friends who i can share my faith with. Its truly amazing.
If anyone has ever seen me minutes before i go into the confessional then you know i am a nervous wreck. This time in particular because i had a few things that i have been carrying around for awhile now. I hate the waiting game. I hate standing there feeling all my sins flood my mind and trying my hardest not to forget any of them. As horrible as it is... it is humbling. How often do you sit there and think of everything you did wrong in the past 2 months? like i said... humbling.
So finally i go in and do my thang ( im not gonna paint a picture for you) and i come out. Not even exaggerating.... I felt like i was in a Claratin commercial. Everything was so much clearer and brighter! Literally! It was an incredible feeling! I have not had a confession this good in a long time and boy did it feel good! As annoying as going to confession is.. it is such a miracle and im pretty much obsessed with it. That feeling you get after is such a high! I can sit here and try to put it into words... but that wouldnt even come close to describing it. It knocks down the wall between us and Jesus. The fact that he will forgive us for anything is an amazing and beautiful thing. God is good so good!!