Leap of faith

As human beings we like security. Whether it is that bunny you slept with since you were five, that extra couple thousand of dollars stored away, a stable home, or that special someone. We like comfort. Things and people can comfort us but I think that it is our thoughts and emotions that give us the most comfort. The parts of us that no one else knows. They are ours. We get to choose what people know about us and how much. We can decide what parts of us stay tucked down deep inside, which emotions are never expelled and which thoughts are never reveled. Our thoughts and feelings are really the only part of this world that are 100% original. They are us and they can define us. This is why we are so careful with who gets to know them. Thats where vulnerability comes into play. The more we let the world know, the more vulnerable we become. The more of us that another person has. Its a balancing act. How close do you let someone get before you are completely vulnerable and exposed. We are always trying to find the perfect balance between what we share and what we keep to ourselves, tucked away and hidden. Opening up to people is not the safe option. No, the safest option would be to keep every emotion, feeling, thought, and dream deep inside and away from the world. You could just be on the surface to everyone and never let anyone get close enough to hurt you. Because isn't that it? We control how much we give people to hurt us with. The more we give to the world the more vulnerable we are and the more at risk we are putting ourselves. The more we put ourselves out there and the more we reveal, the lower the wall around us drops. So why do we do it then? Why do we find it so important to tell certain people certain things about our deepest thoughts? Why do we put ourselves in that situation? Why do we give other people the ability to take what we gave them and turn on us with it? Because just like we have a human instinct to need security, we also have an instinct to make connections. We need people. We are not meant to walk this earth alone. And how do you make a strong bond with another person? Give them something so personal and unique and allow them a peak inside your mind. Let them see your deepest fears and get to know your biggest dreams. Allow them to feel you strongest emotions and ponder your wildest thoughts. Yes, you are taking a risk of exposing your self to the world and maybe you are setting yourself up to get hurt. So how do you know? How do you know when its too much? How do you know?

Well, to be honest... I dont think we ever do. No one ever teaches us that I think thats part of life. All we can do is close our eyes, trust like crazy and take a leap of faith.

some food for thought

Hey loves! well I came across this blog and I based on our many conversations about marriage i felt like i had to share this with you.

My Predicament - Part 1

Tuesday, Dec 9th, 2008

As it seems most Christian girls are I was waiting on God to bring me my husband, my perfect man. (Of course he wouldn't be perfect, but just about perfect, at least for me.) A few prospective guys came in and out of my life through high school and college and as they came, I considered them and contemplated if this was the one that I was waiting for. It was usually the same story: I liked the guy, spent time analyzing whether or not he could be the one, had lots of phone conversations with him, and usually went on a few dates. At some point in the relationship (sometimes within a few weeks, sometimes within a few months) I would realize that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then ended the relationship. This cycle was dissatisfying, and disappointing.

Finally, in September of 2005, God revealed the error of my practice of waiting on Him to bring me my husband.

“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”

Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective.

Picture this: You are at a restaurant and have just ordered a pizza. A friend walks in and sits down with you and asks, “What are you doing?” And you respond with, “I am waiting on the waiter to bring me my pizza.” (Does this sentence structure sound familiar?) In this example, you do not have much regard for the waiter. The waiter is only the vehicle by which you get what you are truly there for: your pizza. You are not expecting the waiter to come and sit down and talk with you, but to simply deliver the pizza.

“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”

What are you more excited about: Jesus or your future husband? God was never designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. He was never intended to be our waiter, but to BE OUR EVERYTHING! I had replaced the passionate pursuit of knowing Him with the pursuit of an allegedly more passionate relationship on earth. I had put another “god” before the Lord; I had created an idol.

In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, “And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, "That you will call Me 'My Husband,' And no longer call Me 'My Master.'” One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God. We have been taught how to obey and please God (how to call Him ’Master’), but we do not know how to grow in our love for Him and fall deeper in love with the character of our Creator (how to call Him ’Husband’).

Consider this analogy:
David and Jessica have been dating for a few months now and most of their friends comment about how cute a couple they are. They are frequently seen at the local coffee shop or out to eat together on a Friday night. Their favorite spot to frequent is the beach near by at sunset. Here they spend their time walking along the shore, holding hands, and enjoying the sunset in silence. The problem is that Jessica spends this time on the beach thinking about John, a guy in one of her classes. She reminisces about what he said to her that day, the way he looked, and how sweet he was to stay late and help his friend with homework. She’s already thinking about what she’s going to wear tomorrow so that she can look extra special when she sees him. This is not fair to David at all; it is emotional infidelity and emotional lust. It may look like she loves David because she does all the right things to appear in love with him, but her heart is set on someone else. This is exactly what many of us have done in our relationship with God! We know how to appear passionate about God: we talk about Him to others, we read His Word, we attend Bible studies and keep trying harder to learn more about Him, but our hearts are set on something else.

We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to “love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength” (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY! What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love! Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made.

spilt second

ya know what i think is cool? When you are walking down the street and you pass a person and for that split second your eyes meet. Maybe a smile is shared or a nod or maybe nothing at all. You most likely will never see that person again. But for that second, that moment in time, your lives collided. Your paths crossed. That person may be having the best day of their life, or the worst. They may be walking away from a bad relationship or walking towards a new opportunity. You dont know anything about them but on that day at that time in that place you both existed together. Is this moment significant? Is this person meaningful to you? Is it a coincidence that you both passed by each other and held each other's gaze. Or a complete act of fate? who knows. I dont know. I just think its cool to think about how connected we really are to each other. Its fascinates me.

let it snow

AHH soo i just had the best walk home in the snow. so peaceful. Its crazy how in our world snow is the one thing that gets everyone to stop moving. Everyone goes inside and stays in one place and puts life on hold for a little bit. I love it. Snow is that little reminder from God that we need to slow down.... life goes too quick. We need to cherish it as we have it. Let go of all the hate and grudges, and just take a deep breath of crisp cold air and just be.

This is me

Im an optimist. When it comes to my friends i am the one always full of hope. Im always looking on the bright side. Some say im not realistic. Some say I'm too naive. Some say im too trusting. and maybe I am. I trust everyone untill you give me a reason not to. I believe in everyone. I believe that everyone has a little bit of good in them. Thats how we were made. We weren't made to hate to deceive. I believe in the good. I put my trust in that.

So maybe im not the most realistic person according to todays society. Maybe I am "setting myself up to get hurt". But so what. I dont want to go around doubting and questioning everyone I come in contact with. I dont want to live in the shadow of all the wrong in the world. I dont want to walk around second guessing everything. And for what? so I could be "safe"? So maybe I do get let down sometimes... maybe my hopes do fly too high for my reach sometimes. but then I live with it and move on. At least for that time I was hopeful. At least I had something to hope for. To live for. I dont know any other way.

So yes. You are right. I do trust too easily. Hope too much. Love too quick. Call it naive if you want. But thats me. Thats how I roll. I have faith in people.... and maybe its not always the safest route to take... maybe I do get hurt sometimes.... but like I said... I believe in the good.

inspired.

As a cradle catholic i have been to a million masses and received Communion since I was old enough to in 2nd grade. That is 12 years of receiving the Body of Christ..... 144 months..... 576 weeks.... well you get the point. A lot! so I have made my way up to the front of the church a bunch of times to hear the Priest say," The Body of Christ" . But Last year I got the chance to be on the other side of that. I am now the one saying, " The Body of Christ". Having all of those people walking up to me ready to receive the Lord, is incredible. They each have their own life and their own problems and they are coming to lay it all down before the Lord. Its pretty inspiring to witness.

Tonight there was an old man with the biggest blue eyes who looked right at me with so much hope as I held up the Lord before him. There was not a doubt in his mind of what he was receiving. He smiled at me and said Amen. But even I know he wasn't looking at me. He was looking was looking at Him. I have never seen anyone who was longing of the Eucharist as much as this man was. I was taken back. This is how we all need to be. We all need to long for the Lord as much as this man does. Imagine how our world would be .....

Its people like this that get me through the day :-) They are the ones that give me the strength to block the rest of the world out and just focus on the wonders of life.

Giving it all up

I'm done.

I'm done planning and plotting. I'm done predicting and guessing. I'm done mapping out my life and making a timeline for myself. I'm done with it all because quite frankly it really hasn't gotten me very far. When i entered 9th grade my mom and I sat down and planning out the classes i would take for the next 4 years. I was stressed and she was stressed because i was stressed and so to unstress we planned. I laugh now looking back at that paper where we wrote the lists and orders of classes. Nothing, and i mean nothing, went according to plan and everything turned out ok. At the first sight of stress or confusion why do we make lists or open calenders? I mean honestly, how often do things play out they way they should? I cant think of how many times I have been disappointed by events that i was looking forward to for weeks. And on the flip side, some of my best memories are the spontaneous ones... the unplanned ones. So why do we do it? Why do we try to map out the next 5 minutes, weeks, years? Its comforting. its comforting to know that we are headed in a direction. But im done with all that. Obviously easier said than done but recently the way things have been falling together have been completely different from what i expected. Whenever I think I have something figured out God throws me a curve ball. Its crazy and it used to make me so anxious. The thought of not knowing would put me on edge... I dont know what it is but recently I have been perfectly content with going where ever life takes me. So like i said, I'm done planning... and plotting.. and mapping out everything. I may not have any idea where i will end up in 5 years or who I will be. I dont know where I will be living or where I will be working. I have no idea who I will marry and how many kids I will have. But i do know this: Things will work out how they are supposed to... with out without me planning them. So i have no idea what tomorrow, next semester, of the next 5 years will bring... nervous- oh yes. But more than anything I'm excited :-)

Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never

will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with
confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid."

-Hebrews 13:5,6