take your last breath

Recently A friend of mine died. She was a sweetheart and so full of life. She was taken suddenly and she didn't have a chance to tie up any lose ends or say any goodbyes but isn't that the point? We never know when our time will come.

When the music fades into the past, When the days of life are through, What will be remembered of where I've come? When all is said and done? Will they say I loved my family? That I was a faithful friend? That I lived to tell of God's own son? When all is said and done. Of how I long to see the hour, When I would hear that trumpet sound. So I could rise and see my Savior's face, And see him smile, And say 'Well done.' You can forget my name And the songs I've sung, Every rhyme and every tune. But remember the truth of Jesus' love, When all is said and done When all is said and done

Death has never been something that scared me. Even though it isn't always initiated by a peaceful thing, it always ends up peaceful. Every human fear and anxiety is gone and you become completely content. The way I view dying has a lot to do with the way I view life. We are all trying to get to heaven. That's what we strive and live for. ( some of us more than others) I cannot imagine not believing in heaven. How can you go through life thinking that this is it. This life is all there is. What do you have to life for? I love the fact and anticipation of that something more. I love knowing that no matter what pain and suffering happens here there is some place better that will take it all way and make it pure again. It is the complete image of contentedness. comfort. peace.
My friend who died did not believe in God. In fact she went out of her way to make that clear. Someone said to me, " Hopefully she is being proven wrong " I hope he is right.

We never know when our last breath will be. We have no idea what God has in store for us.
So live like you are dying and make every moment count. :-)

getting to know you.

People. I have said it once and I will say it again. People are my everything. They effect my mood, my day, my thoughts, my emotions, my likes my dislikes, my motivations, my goals and my life. people intrigue me.
When I meet a person I don't just want to know their favorite color or where they work. I want to know them. Really know them. I want to know what makes them tick. What keeps the laying awake at night. What gives them butterflies. Whats in their heart.
I love getting to know people deeper than what meets the eye.

Jennifer:
Everyone sees her as an annoying coworker who is always late. She is slow and she cannot follow directions very well. She doesn't joke around with the other employees and so most people kinda just ignore her. However, the truth is she is suffering from major depression because her she doesn't feel adequate in life. She is very determined to get out of her "funk" and tries her best every day to look at everything with a positive outlook. She said, " I used to blame everyone else when I was upset... now I realize its how I see things that have to change." She has a daughter who is her entire world and she loves to talk about her. She has 2 cats who keep her company during the day. She collects bags and can tell you anything about them. She runs the wine and cheese social and puts a lot of pride into it. She has a huge heart and she loves to talk to the residents. She is one of the few employees who know a great deal about ALL of the resident's lives. ( not just the ones she is assigned to) She loves God and is search of a new church closer to her home so she can attend more often. She is a sweetheart that greets me with a hug whenever I see her and genuinely gets excited when someone sticks around to chat with her.
No one knows any of that though because no one gives her the time of day.

There is so much more to people than meets the eye. It always amazes me what you can find out about someone from just asking. In general people love to talk about themselves. Normally no one asks though.

short and sweet.

Life is wonderful. I am so blessed. God is so good. Enough said.

I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

So i just watched in her shoes and I once again feel in love with this poem by ee cummings

I carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

oh those summer how i missed thee

I dont think I will ever outgrow summer. There is something about it that just gets me. I love it. I love everything about it. People are different in the summer... call me crazy but I am convinced that there is something in the summer air that makes people walk with a jump to their step. I feel like we define our lives with summers. Its almost as if all the stuff that happens during the summer gets us through the year. After the tans are gone and the beach houses close... we have all those crazy memories to help us make it through the winter months. The thing is, its not always about the events... the parties... the trips. Sometimes ... more often than not.... its the company you are with ( as cheesy as that sounds) ... or the conversations ... the all nighters.... the midnight walks. Makes you feel so content and carefree.

And dont even get me started about summer nights. I would trade 50 winter days for 1 summer night. When the sun goes down... and the fireflies come out... possibility lingers in the air. Nothing else matters except that moment in time. I love wasting hours just staring up at the
stars and lounging on my hammock. feeling so small. nothing else matters expect for that moment. I love it.

Summer time and the living is easy...

the semester in review

I know it has been quite some time since I have written... and there have been numerous people who have been on my case about it ( you know who you are.) But life has been crazy... a whirlwind... actually more like a really good roller coaster. You know the kind I am talking about.
The kind that is smack dab in the middle of an amusement park but you work your way around it, going on every other ride within a 100 yard radius before you summit yourself to it. As you sit down and pull the awkward thing down over your head, you are filled with anticipation. Then you slowly begin to roll to a start and up the first huge hill. At the top of the hill and you have a clear birds eye view of everything going on down below you.... BAM all of the sudden you find yourself racing down towards the ground but then before you know it you are flying up again and then you are twisting and turning and when you least expect it you are flipping upside down. Then all of the sudden you are done and its over and you have no idea what just happen and which way is up but all you do know is that you are laughing.

This has pretty much been my life this semester. Ups and downs and oh so many surprises. Its been crazy. Stressful at times... shocking at times... wonderful at times... hilarious at times... but hey that is life and if I have learned anything it would be that you just have to roll with the punches.

Leap of faith

As human beings we like security. Whether it is that bunny you slept with since you were five, that extra couple thousand of dollars stored away, a stable home, or that special someone. We like comfort. Things and people can comfort us but I think that it is our thoughts and emotions that give us the most comfort. The parts of us that no one else knows. They are ours. We get to choose what people know about us and how much. We can decide what parts of us stay tucked down deep inside, which emotions are never expelled and which thoughts are never reveled. Our thoughts and feelings are really the only part of this world that are 100% original. They are us and they can define us. This is why we are so careful with who gets to know them. Thats where vulnerability comes into play. The more we let the world know, the more vulnerable we become. The more of us that another person has. Its a balancing act. How close do you let someone get before you are completely vulnerable and exposed. We are always trying to find the perfect balance between what we share and what we keep to ourselves, tucked away and hidden. Opening up to people is not the safe option. No, the safest option would be to keep every emotion, feeling, thought, and dream deep inside and away from the world. You could just be on the surface to everyone and never let anyone get close enough to hurt you. Because isn't that it? We control how much we give people to hurt us with. The more we give to the world the more vulnerable we are and the more at risk we are putting ourselves. The more we put ourselves out there and the more we reveal, the lower the wall around us drops. So why do we do it then? Why do we find it so important to tell certain people certain things about our deepest thoughts? Why do we put ourselves in that situation? Why do we give other people the ability to take what we gave them and turn on us with it? Because just like we have a human instinct to need security, we also have an instinct to make connections. We need people. We are not meant to walk this earth alone. And how do you make a strong bond with another person? Give them something so personal and unique and allow them a peak inside your mind. Let them see your deepest fears and get to know your biggest dreams. Allow them to feel you strongest emotions and ponder your wildest thoughts. Yes, you are taking a risk of exposing your self to the world and maybe you are setting yourself up to get hurt. So how do you know? How do you know when its too much? How do you know?

Well, to be honest... I dont think we ever do. No one ever teaches us that I think thats part of life. All we can do is close our eyes, trust like crazy and take a leap of faith.